Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Fine Line...

There is a fine line between dating and friends...

Steve* and I are friends. We hang out together, we talk to each other everyday and we share our thoughts on relationships and life. But we are not sleeping together.

Bruce* and I are dating. We hang out together, we talk to each other everyday and we share our thoughts on relationships and life. We are sleeping together.

Bruce thinks our relationship is moving too fast. That we did not give ourselves time to become friends before we became lovers. I can see how he might think this. I can see that in less than a month we jumped from "Hi my name is...." to "OH GOD YES!!!". But I completely disagree with him.

You see there 2 paths people can take in life when it comes to relationships. The first path is the path of friendship. Learning each other's likes and dislikes. Learning what makes each other laugh. Forming a bond that sometimes reaches deeper than the bond of blood family. With a true friend you can honestly be yourself, there are no public masks between the two of you. You can practically tell what the other person is thinking about any given subject. A simple look between you can convey an entire conversation.

The other path we take in relationships is the path of lovers. It has the same qualities as the path of friendship with the added quality of intimacy. Both physical and mental intimacy. You share with your lover the things you don't share with a friend, even a true friend. No matter what there are things you keep from your friends, but that you don't keep from a lover. You can't keep them from a lover, your intimacy prevents it.

Some people disagree with me on this point. Some people tell me that they don't share everything with their lover, or that they share more with their friends. Or that they aren't that close to their friends. I tell them that this is how I see it and they needn't worry about it. But I digress...

I believe that Bruce and I are walking the paths to friendship and lovers at the same time. We are discovering the intimacy and honesty at the same time. I don't think we are moving too fast. and I don't think we are moving too slow. I think that the pace we are taking is just right, for us (or at least me).

But if Bruce* thinks we are moving too fast then we shall slow up. I'm not sure how he wants to achieve this. We are supposed to have a sit down on Saturday to talk it out, but as it turns out we are having dinner tonight. Perhaps we will discuss things tonight, or maybe we'll keep the conversation on the back burner till Saturday.

He asked me if I was talking to anyone else (I'm assuming he meant "seeing" as well). As it turns out I'm not. I'm not getting any response from the Internet dating scene and my attempts to attract attention in the real world are met with... well nothing.

EZ tells me sometimes I have to be the "approacher". I understand that, and since I hate public humiliation, I have learned to read body language and find a guy who might be approachable. (years of hard work and practice and lots of reading). Sadly sometimes I am wrong and still am faced with "the smile". Everyone both male and female knows what I am talking about. Its the smile given to you by the person you have asked to dance, or if you can buy them a drink, or whatever opening line you used who is not receptive to your advances. It is a mixture of pity and regret. It says in the language of lips "I'm sorry, but no. And even if I were available it would still be no. However, I am flattered."

I'm a little put off by the whole shy men thing. I am tired of doing all the leg work (literally, as when I am out "hunting", if you will, I'm usually in heels). I am tired of approaching guys and getting "the smile" or even "the laugh" (that's the "I can't believe you would think I'm interested" laugh). In my fairytale world the guy approaches me and says hi. But guys are getting more and more gun shy because of the women out there who are raising their standards to unreachable heights and don't even want to entertain the idea of a regular Joe buying them a drink.

Again I have digressed...

So here is where it stands with me and Bruce*:
I am going to let him decide the pace, but I am going to have some very specific rules, which I won't reveal here since he reads this. (no sense in giving him a heads up).

About me dating other people.. meh
I am actually not really interested in dating anyone else right now. I have found a guy that, so far, displays a vast majority of the qualities I am looking for. Why not pursue it? Why not give it my all?

My final decision will just have to wait until after Bruce* and I have that sit down heart to heart. I'm hoping he can see things from my perspective, or that how he plans on slowing things down will work for me. If not, well who knows, maybe we can find a compromise or maybe we just become really good friends...

*names have been changed to protect the innocent, the a**holes and the clueless.

1 comment:

Narm said...

I don't get much of a response when I wear heels either. And I have great calves.