Today's post is an easy read. I am going to give you the run down on the men in my life. Sorry to tell you this but Charlie is included... I know I said I wouldn't blog about him anymore but well... he is in my life and this blog would not be complete without him. Besides doesn't it make you feel good that I'm a bigger loser than you?
1: My son. He is the Sun my world revolves around. I have been very lucky that he is an amzing little person. He is so creative and artistic. At three years old he makes his own toys... I'm not talking about using rocks as cars or trains (which he does), but takes normal household items and turns them into toys... for instance: He took my sister Spanky's* keys, a straw and a wet nap and put them together in a way that it created a little bird. And he was making it flap its wings and fly around... how many three year olds do you know who can do that? He is kind and loving and curious and brave. I can only hope that he keeps all these traits as he grows up.
My morning prayer:
"Please, please, please, please don't let me screw up this kid up!!"
2: My Dad. He like the rest of my family has his moments of complete insanity, but for the most part he is a really good guy. If it weren't for him I would probably have been homeless a few times. He taught me to be a real woman; how to change my own oil, tires, and air filter. As I was growing up he taught me the nuances of "inner tubing" and crawfish catchin'. He drove us all over the country on our summer vacations, with out him I would never have seen the Statue of Liberty or that little brew pub in San Luis Obispo that turned out to be a gay bar.
3: Bruce*. He is the epitome of sweet. Sometimes I wonder if I have been dreaming about him or if he is real. If you have been reading you know all the really sweet things he has done since day one. But I wonder how long it will last. I am not being pessimistic just realistic. Will he stay like this forever and even if we don't work out still be friends? or Will he change in a few months and then decide he can find something else that is "better" (you can't get much better than me)? One the one hand I know where I could go with this, but on the other do I want to set my self-up for another bone-shattering fall?
4: Steve*. He is one of my best friends. I feel I can tell him anything, he is my male version of EZ. He has never been judgemental and has even given me some great advice. I want him to see himself like I do: an amazing person whose heart is bigger that he lets on. He has so much to offer the world but has shut himself up becuase of stupid people. I say let them be stupid you just outshine them all.
5: Charlie*: What more can I say about him? He is a friend, or more correctly I should say I am his friend. I do for him what I do for so many others. But he taught me something. He taught me that my heart is more fragile and precious than anything else in this world. He taught me that I need to be very careful before I going making assumptions, that I should not hold any expectations no matter what. He taught me that sometimes we say things and mean them at the time but that in a few minutes/hours/days/weeks those things have no meaning. Its becuase of him that I am afraid of letting myself go with Bruce*. Well that and the fact that I might scare Bruce away if I really did let go. I can be pretty intense. (duh poet)
6: Baby Daddy: He's a pain the butt. However without him I would not have my son... soo.... I guess I am grateful for that.
7: Joe*: My religous leader (one of them). He's a cool guy but like everyone else in this world has his issues
8: My original Muse: A guy I thought loved me once... Turns out I was just an easy lay. Lots of good poetry written for him!
Thats it. Its a short list. Sad. I keep rereading and thinking I should take something out so that I don't offend anyone... but what the heck. Bruce, Charlie and Steve all read this blog. Steve would be mad at me if I edit this for someone's feelings. Bruce might run away screaming, and if he does then it wasn't meant to be (however I will need my own shoulder to cry on if that happens). Charlie appreciates my honesty, and since I never see him face to face I don't have to worry about seeing the pity in his eyes.
*names have been changed to protect the innocent, the a**holes and the clueless.