So I have learned over the years to compartmentalize a lot of shit. Generally speaking very little gets me upset any more.
At least that's what I tell everyone and what everyone thinks. And since literally no one reads blogs anymore that's all anyone will think. but the reality is that I learned a long time ago to work out my issues away from the public eye. Why? Because I give a shit what people think about me and I never want to be "oh her? She's nice but a little crazy if you know what I mean". I was that once. It cost me friendships. Friendships I valued. so I locked little crazy me away and I let her out when I'm alone.
I once tried to show her to a life partner I had but he dismissed her and made me feel like shit for needing to lean on someone. so away she went.
and I thought every thing was good. We had an arrangement. I go home alone to my bed where I weep all the anger and frustration and confusion of the day out into my pillows.
But the other day I drank most of a bottle of rum while out with a very good friend of mine. And when I got home at 5 am I proceed to say shitty things to said friend (in front of another very good friend of mine) and then I sent another very good friend of mine a text. The text it self wasn't "terrible" but it was crazy. said friendship is now over. POOF.
No more rum for me.
Time to regroup and figure out jut where the fuck I went wrong. Actually I know what it is, and I'm letting it go. Its going to be hard. But I can do it.
Tuesday, July 3, 2018
Wednesday, March 28, 2018
I am one of those creative people who needs to be inspired to create. Most often I am inspired by a muse.
The dictionary defines a muse as "the power regarded as inspiring a poet, artist, thinker, or the like."
Historically in mythology a Muse is one of the 9 daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne who each preside over some form of art: Calliope (epic poetry), Clio (history), Erato (lyric poetry), Euterpe (music), Melpomene (tragedy), Polyhymnia (religious music), Terpsichore (dance), Thalia (comedy), and Urania (astronomy).
Erato and I are very good friends.
I know a lot of artists. We tend to be drawn to each other, we find solace in the misery of our fellow artists. Its cliche, the tortured artist, but its a cliche for a reason. Art is a very emotional thing. I have found that the stronger the emotion the stronger the art.
That being said, there is a very fine line between being inspired by emotion and being stymied by it. Look at the dates on my poetry blog archives. Between 2013 and 2017 nothing was posted. I was in a very deep dark depression and trying hard to keep my head above water. I produced NOTHING. I was working hard on finding myself again after having lost my sense of identity. 2017 was transformative. I spent the entire year in a very frustrated place. I hated where I was.
I was determined to get back to being creative because I remember being happy when being creative. So I vowed to do a little something every day in 2018. I started bullet journaling and doing a different creative challenge every day. In January it was a photo a day. In February it was InCoWriMo (Correspondence writing). March has been a list prompt every day.
Each of those worked to help stir my pot of creative juices, but it took a catalyst to make the pot boil over. My catalyst was a muse in the shape of a person. Another artist. Another tortured soul looking for some relief from the pressure that unfulfilled art builds up inside of you. I've known him for about 3 years now but we just recently connected on a more personal level.
Hearing his story and bouncing ideas around together was the very thing I needed to get back on the bandwagon. My muse doesn't directly inspire everything I do (though certainly you can find a piece of him in everything). For me its more like his presence inspires me to want to write more. I write for me (and honestly for him too because he is super talented and I look up to him as an artist and I want to impress him). I am sure there are some budding astrophysicists out there publishing papers in the hopes that Neil Degrasse Tyson reads it and makes a comment on it. He's my NDT.
In essence my muse gives me the gentle nudge I need to get my work out. Sometimes its a thing he says, sometimes its a thing he does. SOMETIMES I don't even realize he inspired it until I have it written down and I'm all like... "oh yeah.. he's all over this". Sometimes its not even about him at all.
I don't know how other people get their ideas for their art. Mine all come from my life. I have millions of ideas but they never make it to paper. With a little help from my muse some of it makes out into the world.
all works posted here are copyrighted
References: http://www.dictionary.com/browse/muse; https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erato;
The dictionary defines a muse as "the power regarded as inspiring a poet, artist, thinker, or the like."
Historically in mythology a Muse is one of the 9 daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne who each preside over some form of art: Calliope (epic poetry), Clio (history), Erato (lyric poetry), Euterpe (music), Melpomene (tragedy), Polyhymnia (religious music), Terpsichore (dance), Thalia (comedy), and Urania (astronomy).
 |
| Roman statue of Erato, 2nd century AD. The muse is depicted playing the kithara or lyre. |
I know a lot of artists. We tend to be drawn to each other, we find solace in the misery of our fellow artists. Its cliche, the tortured artist, but its a cliche for a reason. Art is a very emotional thing. I have found that the stronger the emotion the stronger the art.
That being said, there is a very fine line between being inspired by emotion and being stymied by it. Look at the dates on my poetry blog archives. Between 2013 and 2017 nothing was posted. I was in a very deep dark depression and trying hard to keep my head above water. I produced NOTHING. I was working hard on finding myself again after having lost my sense of identity. 2017 was transformative. I spent the entire year in a very frustrated place. I hated where I was.
I was determined to get back to being creative because I remember being happy when being creative. So I vowed to do a little something every day in 2018. I started bullet journaling and doing a different creative challenge every day. In January it was a photo a day. In February it was InCoWriMo (Correspondence writing). March has been a list prompt every day.
Each of those worked to help stir my pot of creative juices, but it took a catalyst to make the pot boil over. My catalyst was a muse in the shape of a person. Another artist. Another tortured soul looking for some relief from the pressure that unfulfilled art builds up inside of you. I've known him for about 3 years now but we just recently connected on a more personal level.
Hearing his story and bouncing ideas around together was the very thing I needed to get back on the bandwagon. My muse doesn't directly inspire everything I do (though certainly you can find a piece of him in everything). For me its more like his presence inspires me to want to write more. I write for me (and honestly for him too because he is super talented and I look up to him as an artist and I want to impress him). I am sure there are some budding astrophysicists out there publishing papers in the hopes that Neil Degrasse Tyson reads it and makes a comment on it. He's my NDT.
In essence my muse gives me the gentle nudge I need to get my work out. Sometimes its a thing he says, sometimes its a thing he does. SOMETIMES I don't even realize he inspired it until I have it written down and I'm all like... "oh yeah.. he's all over this". Sometimes its not even about him at all.
I don't know how other people get their ideas for their art. Mine all come from my life. I have millions of ideas but they never make it to paper. With a little help from my muse some of it makes out into the world.
all works posted here are copyrighted
References: http://www.dictionary.com/browse/muse; https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erato;
Wednesday, May 10, 2017
How to NOT be a Stupid-Ratchet-Crazy-Basic Bitch
Holy shit... its been a year since I posted anything. I was inspired by a friend to write an article. so here it is:
In this course, I will teach you
how to release your inner crazy and become the cool laid back person that most
other people want to date. I am going to be as gender neutral as possible
because I have met just as many male Stupid-Ratchet-Crazy-Basic Bitches as I
have female. We will address each issue in
order.
STUPID
I normally dislike the word “stupid”
quite a bit. I think it is more derogatory than the word “cunt”. Trust me, you
would rather have me call you a cunt than call you stupid. This first obstacle is
the easiest to overcome. The next time someone says something that you disagree
with you should not immediately start an argument. Instead find out why that person
believes that way. Lets role play a bit.
Me: I really like Star Trek
You: Star Trek is for nerds!!!
You: Star Trek is for nerds!!!
This is wrong. Instead you should
find out why I like it. Perhaps you have missed something in your interpretation
of my belief.
Me: I really like Star Trek.
You: Really? I could never get into it. Why do you like it so much?
Me: I love the ideals that it sets forth for humanity….. [insert long conversation about the lessons of Gene Roddenberry]
You: Really? I could never get into it. Why do you like it so much?
Me: I love the ideals that it sets forth for humanity….. [insert long conversation about the lessons of Gene Roddenberry]
Now you have gained some insight
in to the personality of the person you are talking to. You can literally apply
this to any topic of conversation. Politics, Religion, TV shows, Gun rights…. Any
of them.
Stupid people would rather wallow
in their ignorance of another person’s point of view. I am not saying that you must
agree, only that you should educate yourself.
RATCHET
Just because a person wants to
have sex with you DOES NOT mean they want to have a relationship with you. Sex
and Emotions are very very very rarely tied together. SEX is the result of a
physical attraction. That physical attraction can lead to an emotional
relationship but not always; and not even often. A lasting relationship is
built on the emotional attraction you have for another person. You should NEVER
enter into a relationship simply because the other person is hot and is a good
fuck. You can find a million hot good fucks anywhere you go, but that one
person who makes your soul sing… that is an entirely different ball game.
NOW hold your horses.. I know
that you can develop a nice physical relationship with a person that is
strictly sex and platonic enjoyment of one another. Those are easy peasy and
are a good way to keep the edge off of your sexual tension while you are on
those 50 first dates trying to find the one frog who turns into a prince(ss).
These are pretty good relationships. I like them. There is no pressure to be
the perfect mate, just an accommodating lay. NOTE: this should be an even 50/50
relationship. You go to their place, they come to yours; you buy dinner one
time, they buy it the next. If one of you is putting out more than the other
this relationship is bound to end bitterly.
It is OK to be in a strictly
physical relationship that has no emotional ties. It is ok to be in an
emotional relationship with no physical ties. In both instances, you must be
open and honest with each other about the kind of relationship you have and
want. If at any point either of you is not satisfied then you need to end the
relationship. Do not try to CHANGE it. If it is meant to evolve, it will. If it
isn’t, it won’t! Nothing you can do will change that. NOTHING.
If you go on a first date with a
person, and then have sex with them, NEITHER of you is obligated to a second
date, or getting married. HOLY HAY-SEUSS it just a date… and its just sex. You
are not even obligated to be exclusive or monogamous! You are obligated to say,
“Thank you, I had a good time”. Even if the sex was bad, be courteous.
Along this same note. If you do
not want a second date or a second sexual interaction then say so. Maybe not
right then, wait a day. Give them a call or a text (the only time a text is
allowable) and say something like “I had a great time, but I just don’t think a
second time is going to happen. Good luck in your search!”. If you get one of
these calls or texts you need to respond like a sane and rational human being…
which leads us to….
CRAZY
No one, NO ONE, wants to deal
with a psycho. And if they do then they are a crazy fuck as well and you should
stay away. If you get the gentle brush off (or even a not gentle one), you are
allowed to be sad/mad/confused. But those emotions are yours and are NOT the
fault of the other person. The other person has been kind enough to let you
know not to put your hopes into them. SAY THANK YOU. That’s it. Say thank you
and move on. You can totes tell your friends what a douche that person was, but
leave them alone. They don’t want anything to do with you and you should
respect that, because one day you are going to be in a reverse situation and you
will want the other person to respect your wishes. Pay it forward people….
BASIC BITCH
Urban Dictionary defines a Basic
Bitch as “Someone who is unflinchingly upholding of the status quo and
stereotypes of their gender without even realizing it.” DO NOT DO THIS. Instead
be you, the weird you that you never show anyone. The you that binge watches
Start Trek and reads Phillip Pullman. The you that sings in the car and dances
when no one is watching. Be that person all the time. If you do that then I can
guarantee that you will attract someone who likes to do all those same things
and you can then do them together. Maybe you will get lucky and they will want
to do naked things with you as well.
In conclusion it is possible to have
a satisfying physical and emotional relationship with another person and be
happy. You just have to be willing to drop the societal norm of being a Stupid-Ratchet-Crazy-Basic
Bitch.
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
Honest Review: Maxine® Women's Slim Latex Waist Cincher (5X)
Product: Maxine® Women's Slim Latex Waist Cincher
Disclaimer: I received this product at a discounted price in exchange for my HONEST review
Promise: This review is 100% my honest opinion. If I don't like it I'll tell you!
Here is the review I posted to Amazon:
3 star review
*sigh* I wish there had been just ONE size larger... I started out with a szie 3 but had to send that back as it was waaay to small.. so I ordered the largest size they have. I figured it would have been fine considering its 3 sizes larger than I would usually order. well... it fit. barely. I could never put myself into this I had to have my boyfriend put all the hooks on.
the good part though is that I am losing weight and a few months ago I wouldn't have even fit into this. I expect that in a few more months I'll be able to put it on myself. I must say that I do really really love the shape it gives. Especially under my fave dress. My suggestion is that you measure yourself carefully and order up two sizes. It goes have a strong rubber smell right out of the package. Since its the same stuff as diving wet suits you need to go to a dive shop and buy the specialty wet suit shampoo if you want to wash it and not ruin the material.
Pics are of me in the same dress with and without the waist cincher on.
The parts I didn't say:
HOLY BALLS IT MAKES ME TITS LOOK HUGE. I mean I already have big tatas but hot damn. I am looking forward to being able to wear this more often. ONe of the only downsides is that it rolls up on the bottom... and that is absolutely because of my big mummy tummy. If it was about one inch shorter it wouldn't be a big deal...
Disclaimer: I received this product at a discounted price in exchange for my HONEST review
Promise: This review is 100% my honest opinion. If I don't like it I'll tell you!
Here is the review I posted to Amazon:
3 star review
*sigh* I wish there had been just ONE size larger... I started out with a szie 3 but had to send that back as it was waaay to small.. so I ordered the largest size they have. I figured it would have been fine considering its 3 sizes larger than I would usually order. well... it fit. barely. I could never put myself into this I had to have my boyfriend put all the hooks on.
the good part though is that I am losing weight and a few months ago I wouldn't have even fit into this. I expect that in a few more months I'll be able to put it on myself. I must say that I do really really love the shape it gives. Especially under my fave dress. My suggestion is that you measure yourself carefully and order up two sizes. It goes have a strong rubber smell right out of the package. Since its the same stuff as diving wet suits you need to go to a dive shop and buy the specialty wet suit shampoo if you want to wash it and not ruin the material.
Pics are of me in the same dress with and without the waist cincher on.
The parts I didn't say:
HOLY BALLS IT MAKES ME TITS LOOK HUGE. I mean I already have big tatas but hot damn. I am looking forward to being able to wear this more often. ONe of the only downsides is that it rolls up on the bottom... and that is absolutely because of my big mummy tummy. If it was about one inch shorter it wouldn't be a big deal...
 |
| Cincher activated... tits are huge... |
 |
| underneath it all |
 |
| Cincher deactivated boobs are still big |
Monday, May 30, 2016
Honest Review: Bedding Edition 2
Product: Beckham Hotel Collection® Luxury Soft Brushed Microfiber 4 Piece Bed Sheet Set
Disclaimer: I received this product at a discounted price in exchange for my HONEST review
Promise: This review is 100% my honest opinion. If I don't like it I'll tell you!
Here is the review I posted to Amazon:
5 Star Review
OMG. So I bought these because I have a seriously deep mattress and its hard to find sheets that don't cost an arm and a leg. These are very reasonably priced for being Deep Pocket sheets. They completely fit my 18" mattress and I think You could get them onto a 19" one too. and they are soooooooo soft. Every time I slide into bed with these things I fell like I'm in some luxury hotel. Seriously so soft. I got Queen sized in Grey but at the time of this post gray wasn't available in that size. Its a lovely color and is very close to the product pic.
The parts I didn't say:
These sheets were so damned soft that I demanded that we have sex on them right away! and we did... and it was GLORIOUS. seriously I think these things are waaaay better that silk sheets. And for being Microfiber they breathed really well. I didn't get hot and sweaty when I slept on them. (I DID get hot and sweaty when we did the horizontal mambo on them)
Disclaimer: I received this product at a discounted price in exchange for my HONEST review
Promise: This review is 100% my honest opinion. If I don't like it I'll tell you!
Here is the review I posted to Amazon:
5 Star Review
OMG. So I bought these because I have a seriously deep mattress and its hard to find sheets that don't cost an arm and a leg. These are very reasonably priced for being Deep Pocket sheets. They completely fit my 18" mattress and I think You could get them onto a 19" one too. and they are soooooooo soft. Every time I slide into bed with these things I fell like I'm in some luxury hotel. Seriously so soft. I got Queen sized in Grey but at the time of this post gray wasn't available in that size. Its a lovely color and is very close to the product pic.
The parts I didn't say:
These sheets were so damned soft that I demanded that we have sex on them right away! and we did... and it was GLORIOUS. seriously I think these things are waaaay better that silk sheets. And for being Microfiber they breathed really well. I didn't get hot and sweaty when I slept on them. (I DID get hot and sweaty when we did the horizontal mambo on them)
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