Monday, March 14, 2011

Finding inspiration

In December of 2009 I stopped having sex with my dates... As you can imagine it didn't lead to very many repeat offenses.. oops I mean Dates.

I decided to take a sexual sabbatical. For ONE YEAR! I didn't have sex with anyone (except myself). It was awful.... but I suggest anyone who is stuck in a rut to do the same thing. I was able to get my head screwed back on straight.

I hadn't realized just how fucked up I was until I took that year off. I was able to see how I was sabotaging myself.

It was truly enlightening.

Anyhoot. Any guy I have ever blogged about in the past is LOOOONG gone. None of them could find it in themselves to care about me for me. They couldn't appreciate my responsibilities or my time constraints. They wanted to be the center of my world and would get upset if they weren't.

ugh... I was just completely fed up with men.

Then in July of 2010 I met someone... and at that point in my life... well....

During that time I was extremely wary of any guy who showed any sort of interest in me. If they said anything along the lines of "Hey I think you're really interesting" I would be completely turned off by them. Because so far any guy interested in me has been seriously fucked up in the head.

Back to the guy from July 2010.... We met at an event that I was hosting and I interviewed him for a radio show I've been doing. After the interview he said he would like the chance to get to know me. Alarms started going off and bells were ringing. I freaked out but gave him my business email addy....

I never heard from him again. I ran into him briefly a few days later, but no communication. And the clencher... He lives in a different state.

I wrote him off....

A few months later I was coming up on the end of my self imposed year of celibacy. I was hosting another event (same event, different day) and who should walk right past me while I am taking a break... Yeah Mister July. I recognized him immediately and I literally snatched him by the arm and said "HEY! I know you!". Creepy I know. But you see the weird thing is for weeks before this event This guy had been haunting my thoughts. He had a very memorable personality and these Blue Eyes that were fall down beautiful.

We spent most of the rest of the night talking during my breaks from hosting. At the end of the night we exchanged emails... this time I gave him my personal email.... I didn't think I would hear from him again.....

Stay tuned for the rest of the story......

*names have been changed to protect the innocent, the a**holes and the clueless.

Friday, March 11, 2011

A New Road

After years of wandering aimlessly without a muse I have come into the presence of one who has awakened a sleeping heart. I have been shown that there is still hope and still goodness in the world. I was handed a mirror and forced to see the beautiful person that I am and to learn to love her all over again. I will be forever grateful to the Muse who inspired this poem.

A New Road
Alone I was left to wander
broken and mismatched
What I saw made me ponder
Had the gate been latched?

Would there, could there ever be
in all the world 'round
Someone to view the real me,
To find what could be found?

Was it in them to enjoy
that which I most love
There is no deceit to employ
I am the same below and above

I thought hope was close to lost
and the towel was ready to throw
My heart was growing a frost
my light was losing its glow

A light

not mine

steady bright

beautiful shine

Walked right into my way
And with a smile so sweet
Blew the dust away
gave me a tender treat

Showed me that the inside counts
and to be strange was good
Gave my step a bold new bounce
and led me through the wood

on the journey I came to learn
That I was just as bright
That What could heal had a burn
And was losing its own light

together we found a way
to learn it over again
That its best to enjoy today
And seize now, not when

The first few steps are taken
the road before unseen
the loose bits have been shaken
and the new slate is clean

Where we go from here
is still to be sought
But I travel without fear
For I am brighter than I thought

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*names have been changed to protect the innocent, the a**holes and the clueless.