Sorry it has been awhile since my last post. Its been a very busy weekend.
On Friday my sister graduated from school. She is now just waiting to take her final state board test and then she will be fully licensed to practice cosmetology in the state of Nevada. So we have been celebrating that all weekend. Took her dinner and took her shopping. Great fun
Then we get to Saturday. My sister has been begging me tot cut my hair so I let her to do it. after all that night was the BIG night. The BIG talk between me and Bruce*. I wanted to look damn cute, irresistible. She and I went out and I bought a whole new outfit just for the occasion. I knew which way the conversation would go, but me, being the ever hopefull one, was going to do everything in my power to keep it from going that way.
So now I have this really great hair cut, and awesome new outfit (plus a new jacket that I really needed anyway), my favorite heels, my favorite perfume, make-up... everything is in place. Now mind you, we are going to one of the best italian places in Vegas, Carluccio's. I am dressed to the 8's (the nines would have been a dress and some sparkly jewelry). I am ready to wine and dine. I'm ready to knock his socks off.
He shows up to get me in jeans and a t shirt....
rule number one ladies: when you're going to have a talk with a guy about your relationship and he shows up in jeans and a t shirt, just turn around and go back inside and change...
Now I get that he is a t-shirt and jeans guy, but I warned him that I would be gussied up. I had no problem being dressed up more than him, but I was hoping that he would at least wear a button down... (I have too much hope sometimes).
So we get there and order and I ask him... "Do you want to talk about this now?"
Him: "No let's wait till after dinner"
So we eat and really enjoy oursleves. By the way if you go you have to try the Caramel Apple Martini... its yummy. Conversation is never hard for us. We laugh all the time whenever we are together..
So dinner is good and I pay the bill... I wouldn't let him pay. There is no way I'm letting him pay for what may be the last date we ever go on. We get out to the the Jeep and we start having the convo...
"why do you think we're moving too fast"
"Your great, but..."
I'm starting to choke becuase I can't breathe. The air is too thick in the cab I need fresh air and a cigarette (I left mine at home in the hopes that things would go well and I would a big kiss). SO I ask him if we can drive somewhere where we can sit outside and talk, and if we can stop so I can get smokes. We decide on Sunset Park. We can sit on a bench next to the lake.
Before I light my cigarette I ask if I can get a kiss. He kisses me. He kisses like no other person I know. He emotions are completely wrapped up in his lips. So even with the peck I got I could feel the sadness and the regret. I knew right then and there where the rest of the evening was going.
The conversation itself was short and non-messy. The end result is (drum roll please)
We are just friends. We are not a "couple". We are not going to be intimate anymore. And no more kissing or cuddling.
We continued talking and acting all brave like we're ok with it. But I had to control my tears quite a few times... and at least once for him I saw the shine of unshed tears (or it could again have just been my hope f*cking with me).
I had to stop on the way back to my house to pick up some diapers for my son... and as I'm walking back to the check out line, guess what comes on the radio over head...
Phil Collins "I can't stop loving you"
so I had a little breakdown in the chip isle at Albertson's while holding 2 supper packs of pull-ups. But be proud of me. I pulled it all back together and walked out with at least a little smile. I did not shed a single tear the whole way home in his Jeep. I had him take me to my mom's house becuase I knew I was going to need my sister.
I don't even think he was all the way pulled out of the driveway before I was balling. My sister... god bless her... brought me vodka and tequila. I drank the last of the vodka and a vast majority of the tequila... Then EZ (who had been out of town all day) sends me a text and wants to know if I want to go out.. well hell why not. So we go to a favorite bar of ours and I tell her the whole story (and drink an easy 4 shots of Jack Daniels).
The best song to describe it is by Big and Rich. "Drinkin' 'bout you"
Of course the whole time I am out with EZ Bruce and I are texting. And we came to another agreement... we both are going to miss the cuddle time way too much to give it up.. so We will keep cuddling... I just hope we can control ourselves and keep it at that. (probably not but its not like I really care).
Today is tuesday... it has taken me 2 days to write this post becuase I keep having to stop for little breaks and cry. Yesterday I came clean to Bruce and told him things I never should... Like "every moment with you is poetry" and "Being near you makes me happy" He took it all in stride and is still talking to me. I'm not sure what has really changed between us... besides the fact that we say we aren't going to be intimate anymore...