Ok so a week after my craziest Wednesday ever, I am doing pretty good... Tonight DJ and I are once again heading off to spend the night with Bruce*... Tomorrow is the big day.... I am meeting his Dad and Step-mom... I am so nervous that I know for a fact that tonight I will be up and down all night trying to keep my reflux from killing me...
Sometimes when I am really nervous there aren't enough magic pills in the world to keep me from aspirating a little stomach bile... its gross but that's life..
I have never been this nervous before... at least not about meeting the parents of a guy I'm dating. But then I have never wanted to make something work as much as I want this relationship with Bruce to work.
I said once that I never wanted to get married ever again... I'm revising that statement. I will only get married again if its going to last forever. "Never" is such a bad word, you shouldn't say never because, as I well know, things change. There was a time not long ago that I never wanted to get bound up again like I did with my Ex... but now sometimes... (especially when I'm snuggled up on the couch with Bruce, or laughing my fool head off with him) I can think of nothing better than spending the rest of my life with someone who can make me laugh like a three year old.
Now don't go jumping to conclusions! I'm not talking about getting married next year... or even the year after (but then who knows?) I'm talking about reconsidering that notion of staying un-married for the rest of my life... Someone would say that right now its too early to tell if I could spend the rest of my life with Bruce, and I would normally agree. but...
I'm taking the fifth on exactly how I feel about it, or maybe I am going to answer like a military official on the existence of UFOs:
"I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of..."
Because that is exactly how I feel. I can neither confirm nor deny. If you asked me right now if I could marry Bruce... I would get a very strange look on my face, like I had just swallowed a pill that tasted nasty but I wanted to take. and I would stammer and blush and say:
"Honestly I don't know"
All of this rambling basically boils down to one simple truth:
I want these people to like me because I Love Bruce. Yep I used the Big L-bomb... I haven't told him yet because I know how much the L-bomb freaks him out. I think he should be the first one to vocalize that little 3 word phrase, and mean it. I know he reads my blog but I figure a digital confession is not the same as looking through the windows to someone's soul and telling them that you love them with every inch of the soul they can see floating behind your irises.
My lesson for this week has been that there truly is a silver lining to everything. Mine is a 2 parter... My son and the Man I love... they have made this week very special and without them I would have gone completely nuts!
*names have been changed to protect the innocent, the a**holes and the clueless.