Thursday, February 26, 2009

shhhh

Can I tell you a secret?

Do you promise to not tell anyone else?

I'm not the strong fearless confident woman everyone thinks I should be. the truth is sometimes I hate myself. Sometimes I still cry over things people think I should just get over. Sometimes I envy others for their ability to put the past behind them. Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed in the morning. Sometimes I just want someone to hold me so I can pretend that the world doesn't exist, even if it is just for a few minutes. Sometimes I'm just a girl with a broken heart who can't seem to catch a break and I just want to sit back and cry about the futility of it all.

But I have to get up every day. I have to smile for the cameras. I have to fake it. I have to pretend to not care that I keep getting my heart stomped on. I have to pretend that I'm not jealous of my friends and the lives they get to lead. I have to play the part of the confident single mom who knows where she is going. I have to lie about not wanting a man. I have to hide my tears and smile through the loneliness.

But that's just between you and me.

1 comment:

JackiesMagic said...

Ohhh.. I feel you on this one too. Not sure of your ethnicity but in my case, add a dash of STRONG black woman on top of all of other! Being strong! Being black. Just being. You know?

But don't be too hard on yourself. It's all gonna pass.

I'm so glad you shared this. So I can send good thoughts and lots of love your way.. And I won't tell a soul.