It is now one month after I decided I couldn't take anymore of Bruce's mind fucking. I love you, I don't love, I love you, I don't know what I want, You're everything I want, I love you, I went on a date with another woman, blah blah blah... he is the eptiome of the Katy Perry song... I'm adding a link to the lyrics at the bottom of this post...
I still go through days where I miss him like crazy, or at least where I miss the him from back in November. November was when all the good things where happening, its when he was still the thoughtful, considerate, compassionate, amazing man that I fell in love with. But those days are gone. I'm finally getting over it. I'm still a little sore that I lost someone I considered a very good friend over it. Actually Now I am more upset that I no longer have Steve* in my life than I am that Bruce* is gone.
But that is how life goes... If you need to lay the blame me, then so be. I'll carry the weight of the burden because I am strong enough to do so. And if you aren't strong enough to be my friend, or even my casual aquiantence, then I don't want you around either.
Its very simple, I am getting back to basics. I am re-learning that I love myself. (its coming very slowly) Part of this process (as perscribed by my therapist) is to fill my life with things I like to do. Or things I used to like to do. Its why I am getting back into hiking regularly, and starting in May I'll be camping once a month, and why my new vehicle has 4-wheel drive. Its why I have looked into how much riding lessons will be. And its why I am dating...
Ok OK you can't call what I am doing dating... there is no freaking way this can be qualified as dating... I have been on one date with one guy... Every other guy who showed interest pulled the old "if I ignore you then you will go away" bit. UGH. Men are so fickle...
Maybe I should go back to dating women...OH DEAR GOD NO!!! they are just as bad as men... sometimes worse... trust me I know...
The amazing therapist from heaven says I need to work on my patience, that eventually I'll meet a guy on one of these really cool expeditions I am going on. I really hope so. So far the male to female ratio has been dreadful... at the first one there was one dude, he was an old dude, he was a married dude. On wednesday there was one dude, He was a cute dude, He was an IRISH dude, But he was a married dude, and married to one of the girls in the group.
I have un-believeably horrible luck.
You would think that with all that irish blood running through me I would catch an irish lucky break every now and again... yeah right...
I'm not to proud to beg:
PLEASE PLEASE dear readers send me your best wishes, send me you heartfelt prayers, send me your flame-shipped god messages, send me your best visualizations, Please help me get lucky ;-)
Katy Perry, Hot and Cold
*names have been changed to protect the innocent, the a**holes and the clueless.
5 comments:
I am so sorry you are going through this. Men are assholes women are bitches. You WILL find the right person for you and when you do, you will look back and be grateful for these last few months because they have made you stronger. I have a new blog.. "positively powerful" filled with positive messages.
The link is at the top and on my side bar.
I can also do a soul card reading for you follow the instructions on that blog.
Meanwhile, all I can do is cheer you on and be a shoulder. You have my email addy.. anytime
Dear Sue,
Here is a prayer for you that I pray as well.. I also have the symbols for these words on my blog..
"Dear Universe, I ask that you and the romance angels help me be in a wonderful love relationship with my soul mate. Please give me clear guidance to find my soul mate, and help us to meet and enjoy one another without delay. I ask for your help in creating circumstances so that I may be in this wonderful soul mate relationship right away. Please help me heal and release any blocks in my mind, body, or emotions that would make me afraid of great love. Please help me hear and follow Your Divine guidance that leads to find and enjoy this soul mate relationship. I know that my soul mate is searching for me with the same amount of fervor with which I am searching for this person. We both ask that you bring us together and help us know and accept the blessings of great love. Thank you and Amen."
"I am getting back to basics. I am re-learning that I love myself. (its coming very slowly)"
This is the best bit! and you are, too, I can see it first hand. Good on you and it's about time! Don't forget what the rabbit's egg and his army of Peeps told you... patience, patience...
I'll send you Corned Beef....:P
As for Irish luck, you have plenty of it, though you may not know it. Once you understand the true nature of Irish Luck. When I was a Kid, there was this old Irish guy that ran the gas station on the edge of town. Now this was in a town that was considered a "small town" even by small town standards (population 400, as in four hundred!!!). My dad one of the 3 or 4 guys that would spend alot of time hanging out there drinking beer and shooting the shit. One day the Old Irish station owner explained to me what Irish Luck was by telling this short Parable.
An Irishman was walking down the street with his friend. As they strolled, chatting about this and that. The Irishman steps in a large pile of fresh dog shit. As he scoffs his boot in the gravel at the shoulder of the road, his face lights up with a happiness and he, very Poetically, offers up a prayer of thanks for his good fortune. The Irishman's friend, as you can imagine, did not agree with is Irish friend and said so "Good God Man!! you have dog shit all over your boots. How the Hell can you think that is good luck!!!! Have you gone daft from sun stroke or something?". At that the Irishman simply shook his head with bemused patients and explained " Don't ya' see lad? Lucky for me it is me work boots I am a'wearin'! If it had been me new Sunday shoes, why the Mrs. wouldn't forgive me for a month at least. The boots she cares nothing about."
That is Irish Luck. It's not a gift of good fortune, nor protection from bad fortune. In other words, as bad as things are, luckily they are not worse.
Don't know if this helps, hopfully you at least get a chuckle out of it.
Mike
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