Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Drunk Texting and Work don't mix

OMG I can't believe I'm going to post this... why? Because my boss reads this...

WHY oh WHY did I ever give him the address.... Let's just hope this ends well for all parties involved.... OMG OMG OMG

ok so on Friday night EZ and I went out and got our groove on at our favorite watering Whole... we were joined by.. No one that I can remember.... at least not until much later in the evening, but that's jumping ahead...

We got our drink on... or more appropriately I got my drink on... I was without kid for the weekend so I mixed it up!! Needless to say I got shit-faced.. not falling down drunk, but foolish ass texting drunk...

Thankfully I didn't ex-text... that would have been very very very very bad... instead... I stalker texted... oh yeah thats right... STALKER!!! I am a psycho.

So in case you haven't been keeping up there is this asshole at work that I can't stand. Or at least that's the game I play, in reality I have the biggest crush on him ever... yowza sexy. And I have this very sneaky suspicion that he isn't nearly the asshole he pretends to be at work.

SOOOOO... on with the show... That day I took him and LDogg out for lunch... and we actually had a good time. I was impressed that he kept the asshole tendencies to a very bare minimum. skip ahead a few hours to about midnight. EZ and I have been knocking them back since about 8. I'm completely on a pity party because I bought a drink for a guy at the bar and he hadn't come over to even thank me (fucker)... so I start texting my girlfriend from work, henceforth known as Gurlie*.

She has as many if not more man troubles than I do... Yeah its that bad. We even go to the same therapist... anyhoot. I tell her I want to invite Red* out to drink with me so I want his number to text him... so after some seriously lame attempts to talk me out of it (BTW she is completely shitters herself) she gives me his number... And I start texting him...

I'm being playful and coy and he's trying to figure out who I am... after telling him my name and the fact that he owes me lunch he still doesn't get who it is... so I say "the fact that I think your the sexiest red head alive doesn't bring it all together for ya?" and he says..."what? I have brown hair"...

WTF OMG YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING SHITTING ME!!! Gurlie* gave me the wrong number and I have been texting the WRONG RED*... omg... I had already promised him that I would buy him a drink if he came down and he was already on his way, so I told him to just keep on coming...

I called Gurlie* and ripped her ass up... now I'm meeting some strange random dude who shares a name with Red* and just happens to be in her phone address book.... She apologizes and calls the guy to tell him its her fault (I made her do it).

I've got my fingers crossed hoping against hope that this guy is at least human... turns out he a major hottie who just happens to be in the Air Force... any hoot he and I hit it off and end up making out before he leaves... I sober up and look at my phone and realize that Gurlie* sent me the Real Red's number and I had texted him too... at 2 am... OMG work is going to suck on monday...

Skip ahead to Saturday Morning... my new phone starts tweeting at me I look and it's the Real Red responding to my text... at this point what can I lose? so I respond. after a few attempts at guessing who I am he gets a little pissed, so I tell him, but I'm still not sure if he gets who it was...

Monday Morning... My son had spent all weekend with my sister (she owes me babysitting time still) and he had been battling a fever on and off... monday morning he wakes up with a ragin fever. I call in sick from work... so I was saved... but today... Tuesday He wakes up chipper as the day is long... little bastard can't be sick for the whole week? damn it

so here I am sitting in my office looking out my window out of the corner of my eye trying to gauge if he really knows who it was... I don't know for sure... he stopped responding to my text messages... so we shall see...

oh and LDogg.. this is another of those "if you repeat this to anyone I will kill you, hide the body and make sure the last rites are never said for you... your name will be removed from history!!" things

ok. ok. ok. I think I can make it... if I throw up in my trash can please just ignore me and move on... Can you believe that I'm supposed to be an adult? yeah me neither...

*names have been changed to protect the innocent, the a**holes and the clueless.

3 comments:

G-Man said...

Sue...
No trash can puking please.
So ... you made out with a total stranger eh?
Drunk, Naughty, and HOT!!!
And your single?
Vegas must be full of "Dancers".

G-Man said...

OH I'm First again?
Ahhhhhh...Victory!!!

Travis Erwin said...

All you pals have cool nickanmes, mine sound like Hee Haw characters. Big Country, Goat boy, Fiddler.