Saturday, January 10, 2009

the DT's suck ass

Ok i'm writting as the day goes on friday and will schedule it to post on saturday. I haven't had a smoke since last night. and I am going through some serious DT's. I'm shakey. My mind is in a million places. My mouth keeps watering at the thought of a smoke. and I am snapping at everyone. even my super-cool boss. No one batted an eye when I put the office ass-hole in his place this morning, But L Dogg seemed a little hurt that I snapped at him. Sorry dude its not you its my stupid addiction breaking down in my body.

How am I doing this? A girlfriend asked me that last night. well Water, Mints, Walking, Blogging and Friends.

Water: One of my biggest problems is that I smoke like a fiend when I drive. so instead of carrying cigs around now I am carrying a watter bottle. Everytime I get the urge to light up I sip my water. This a very healthy alternative.

Mints: Throughout the day as I sit at my desk I get urges to smoke. When I am at home I need a cigarette to take a break with. so instead of stepping out side to smoke... I'll pop a mint and grab my trusty water bottle. This should help re-route my brain's nottion that when I need a break I should smoke. to when I need a break I should pop a mint and relax on the couch.

Walking: While at work the biggest draw for me is my 2 ten mintues breaks. They are spaced at just the right times that as soon as it is starting to get too much (dealing with the office ass-hole daily wears me down). I can step out side and light up... well no more. Now instead I will be walking for ten minutes. This can only be accomplished by the fact that I take massive amounts of pain killers and inti-inflamatories in the morning. The entire left side of my lower body is messed up in some small way or another... from hip to shin. (the ankle is pretty good so I count my lucky starts)

Blogging: When it gets to be too much and I don't think I can resist, I'll log on and write something. Again creating a different way for my body and mind to cope.

Friends: It is their support I will need the most. I love having cheerleaders! Priase is the best way to motivate me. So hearing my best friend say "Good Job" means a shitload more to me than hearing my self say it. After all I lie to my self all the time.

Sigh... So today (friday) I saw Bruce* for the first time since last sunday. We had some more stuff of each other's to exchange. It was both and easier and harder than I thought it would be. I didn't even tear up. Hell I'm not tearing up now... But I wanted so much to just hug him. (big no no....) I have to learn to keep my hands to myself as far as he is concered. It would be easier to give into him than it would be to light up another smoke.... SO in the interest of my new found lease on life... I'll keep my hands to myself. *SIGH* really I just want to hold him close. sex is not even on my playlist. just some cuddling. I'll miss that the most. whoops.... eyes are getting wet.. gotta go and keep the no crying streak going... I'm up to 1.5 days now......

*names have been changed to protect the innocent, the a**holes and the clueless.

1 comment:

dizzblnd said...

You are doing so well! You have the right mindset, to train your body to want something other than the nicotine. I have never smoked, but my husband does, so I know hard hard this is for you. He has quit 6 times now.. But he just can't stop.

I have faith in you, I know you can do it. Keep being strong with Bruce too, pop a mint, or go for a walk whenever you think of him.


GOOD JOB!