I have some very exciting news for you all!! I am working a big post about the events of this weekend... you are never going to believe it!! I'll probably get it posted late monday or eraly tuesday... this is blog changing stuff here guys!! and keep an eye out on my poetry blog for some new stuff to be posted this week as well!!
*names have been changed to protect the innocent, the a**holes and the clueless.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
A blast from the past.. and what could be the begining of Round Two
So last night I went out with an old boyfriend of mine...
GASP
I know
Actually I'm having a problem coming up with a "Name" for him. He has the exact same real name as Charlie* but I can't very well call him Charlie 2. For now I am going to call him STG. You see every story about him that I tell always starts off with "I used to date thie Super-Tech-Geek..." SO STG it is... for now.
We went out and shot some pool at a popular poll hall here in Vegas called The Cue Club. We talked and got caught up. He's still single and a geek, but he is a different kind of geek from your regular geeks... he beats up other geeks... LOL
He is an amazing pool player... probably should be playing pro... but if you ask him why he'll tell you: "I love playing pool, if I did it for a living I would eventually hate playing it" I get that. This guy makes most pros look like idiots... he can play an entire game one handed... (he used to be able to break one handed but hasn't done it in a while). Years ago when we were dating he taught me to play behind my back... he tried to teach me to "jump" the ball but I could never get it.
Last night he flirted ridiculously with me. It was strange and familiar all at the same time. I am not the same person today that I was when we were dating. Back then We flirted so much it made people sick... but I am kind of out of practice flirting... I blushed alot.... LOL yeah I blushed.
All in all it was a great night. We talked about the old days, and our crazy exes... I talked about my son, he talked about why he dates younger girls (easy to train and eager to please)... its probably a good thing I am almost a year older than him.
He was very much a gentleman at the end of the evening, took me home and wished me a good night. very sweet.
Now for today and tomorrow....
Today Bruce* is picking me up and taking me to my poetry showcase this evening. Afterwards we are going back to his place and I am going to sleep there so that tomorrow we can get an early start on our picnic.
Never fear everyone I am resolved that we will not be doing anything... intimate ...friends don't do that and since we are just friends... well you know how it goes. I'm not sure if he really gets that I was serious when I told him no sexual intimacy. Well we shall see. I want to talk to him tonight and make sure he gets it... no heavy petting, no sex. I agreed to cuddling because I don't really want to give that up.
I am emotionally involved with this thing and I don't know if I want to get myself any more stuck on this guy than I already am. I have a sneaky suspision that he may never want to pursue a romantic relationship with me. Now that could just be my neurotic side speaking but I am going to be more careful this time around...
*names have been changed to protect the innocent, the a**holes and the clueless.
GASP
I know
Actually I'm having a problem coming up with a "Name" for him. He has the exact same real name as Charlie* but I can't very well call him Charlie 2. For now I am going to call him STG. You see every story about him that I tell always starts off with "I used to date thie Super-Tech-Geek..." SO STG it is... for now.
We went out and shot some pool at a popular poll hall here in Vegas called The Cue Club. We talked and got caught up. He's still single and a geek, but he is a different kind of geek from your regular geeks... he beats up other geeks... LOL
He is an amazing pool player... probably should be playing pro... but if you ask him why he'll tell you: "I love playing pool, if I did it for a living I would eventually hate playing it" I get that. This guy makes most pros look like idiots... he can play an entire game one handed... (he used to be able to break one handed but hasn't done it in a while). Years ago when we were dating he taught me to play behind my back... he tried to teach me to "jump" the ball but I could never get it.
Last night he flirted ridiculously with me. It was strange and familiar all at the same time. I am not the same person today that I was when we were dating. Back then We flirted so much it made people sick... but I am kind of out of practice flirting... I blushed alot.... LOL yeah I blushed.
All in all it was a great night. We talked about the old days, and our crazy exes... I talked about my son, he talked about why he dates younger girls (easy to train and eager to please)... its probably a good thing I am almost a year older than him.
He was very much a gentleman at the end of the evening, took me home and wished me a good night. very sweet.
Now for today and tomorrow....
Today Bruce* is picking me up and taking me to my poetry showcase this evening. Afterwards we are going back to his place and I am going to sleep there so that tomorrow we can get an early start on our picnic.
Never fear everyone I am resolved that we will not be doing anything... intimate ...friends don't do that and since we are just friends... well you know how it goes. I'm not sure if he really gets that I was serious when I told him no sexual intimacy. Well we shall see. I want to talk to him tonight and make sure he gets it... no heavy petting, no sex. I agreed to cuddling because I don't really want to give that up.
I am emotionally involved with this thing and I don't know if I want to get myself any more stuck on this guy than I already am. I have a sneaky suspision that he may never want to pursue a romantic relationship with me. Now that could just be my neurotic side speaking but I am going to be more careful this time around...
*names have been changed to protect the innocent, the a**holes and the clueless.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
I'm a Schmuck
So in my previous post about my BIG talk with Bruce* it seems I made it sound like he was a schmuck... I did not reread it before I posted it. But now that I have reread it I am appalled at how I make it sound.
The feeling I tried but failed to convey was that I had overdone it. I tried too hard. I did not even mention that while my new hair cut is cute, my sister curled it, and I really did not like it curled. Actually I thought I looked like I was either too young trying to look more grown up or too old trying to look younger...
No matter what Bruce* wears he looks great. He has a confidence about him that makes you look past the material he is clothed in.
The talk itself was actually very easy. It's probably the only time a guy has talked to me about not being in a relationahip with me that I actually understood why. He was very sweet and really did not want to hurt me. Of course he didn't hurt me, I hurt myself. duh. He has been nothing but honest from the beginning.
We really were moving too fast. In all of our original talks we had been pretty adamant about being friends first (both of us). But somehow things got away from us. Who knows how it happened it just did.
The only reason I am as upset about this as I am is that I really was starting to fall for him. He is amazing. He is patient and caring and one of the most thoughtful people I know. He takes what you say into consideration. He listens and understands. He never criticizes me, even when I really deserve it.
You don't meet many men like that (hell you barely meet women like that). How could I not fall for the guy? My last two relationships were with men, nay boys, who were selfish and could not have cared less what my feelings were. They were self absorbed to the point where if things did not go their way in our relationship it was always my fault. I didn't have a high enough sex drive, or my attention to my responsibilities took attention away from them. My want to better myself was a personal assault on them. If I wanted to dress up or look nice they thought I was trying to be a snob or make them look bad.
This is probably where the whole feeling overdressed thing came from. I got so programmed by these two guys to never try harder that when I did dress up for Bruce*, I felt like I was overdoing it (even when he said I looked really pretty).
What it boils down to is that I have issues that I am learning to work through. Sometimes I make mistakes. Sometimes I don't even realize what I am doing untill someone says something to me. Sometimes I catch them myself and am able to correct them. And Sometimes I wander blindly around making mistakes and screwing things up and I don't even realize I'm doing it untill its too late.
*names have been changed to protect the innocent, the a**holes and the clueless.
The feeling I tried but failed to convey was that I had overdone it. I tried too hard. I did not even mention that while my new hair cut is cute, my sister curled it, and I really did not like it curled. Actually I thought I looked like I was either too young trying to look more grown up or too old trying to look younger...
No matter what Bruce* wears he looks great. He has a confidence about him that makes you look past the material he is clothed in.
The talk itself was actually very easy. It's probably the only time a guy has talked to me about not being in a relationahip with me that I actually understood why. He was very sweet and really did not want to hurt me. Of course he didn't hurt me, I hurt myself. duh. He has been nothing but honest from the beginning.
We really were moving too fast. In all of our original talks we had been pretty adamant about being friends first (both of us). But somehow things got away from us. Who knows how it happened it just did.
The only reason I am as upset about this as I am is that I really was starting to fall for him. He is amazing. He is patient and caring and one of the most thoughtful people I know. He takes what you say into consideration. He listens and understands. He never criticizes me, even when I really deserve it.
You don't meet many men like that (hell you barely meet women like that). How could I not fall for the guy? My last two relationships were with men, nay boys, who were selfish and could not have cared less what my feelings were. They were self absorbed to the point where if things did not go their way in our relationship it was always my fault. I didn't have a high enough sex drive, or my attention to my responsibilities took attention away from them. My want to better myself was a personal assault on them. If I wanted to dress up or look nice they thought I was trying to be a snob or make them look bad.
This is probably where the whole feeling overdressed thing came from. I got so programmed by these two guys to never try harder that when I did dress up for Bruce*, I felt like I was overdoing it (even when he said I looked really pretty).
What it boils down to is that I have issues that I am learning to work through. Sometimes I make mistakes. Sometimes I don't even realize what I am doing untill someone says something to me. Sometimes I catch them myself and am able to correct them. And Sometimes I wander blindly around making mistakes and screwing things up and I don't even realize I'm doing it untill its too late.
*names have been changed to protect the innocent, the a**holes and the clueless.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Halloween....
So Friday was Halloween. And it was the first halloween my son actively participated in (He just turned 3 on the 20th). He went as a fireman. He picked out the constume all by himself. And since I am just a big kid I dressed up too. I went as "The Harried Mother of a Three Year Old".
Candy crash... awesome!
I put on my jammies and my bath robe and pulled my hair up into a very messy ponytail.
Trick or treating was a bummer. With the economy as it is people skipped buying candy this year. We only hit 5 houses that had candy and hundred others with proch lights on that didn't even bother to put up a "no candy" sign... bastards. So he did not get much candy and with his allergies to peanuts and eggs only half of that he could eat. Of course I get the rest... Muwawawa.
He had so much candy that night that he had a major sugar high... He was standing out side on the porch just looking at me and out of nowhere he just started bouncing around... it was so funny my sister and I fell out of chairs laughing.
A little later I was lounging on the floor in the living room while my sister ate candya nd watched TV and the little man brought his pillow over and said:
"I wanna lay down with you"
He put his pillow down on the floor next to me and squirmed around for about 2 mins then he got very very still....
Candy crash... awesome!
*names have been changed to protect the innocent, the a**holes and the clueless.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Shakespeare ain't got nothing on me...
I feel like I'm in a really bad Shakespeare love tragedy....
Sorry it has been awhile since my last post. Its been a very busy weekend.
On Friday my sister graduated from school. She is now just waiting to take her final state board test and then she will be fully licensed to practice cosmetology in the state of Nevada. So we have been celebrating that all weekend. Took her dinner and took her shopping. Great fun
Then we get to Saturday. My sister has been begging me tot cut my hair so I let her to do it. after all that night was the BIG night. The BIG talk between me and Bruce*. I wanted to look damn cute, irresistible. She and I went out and I bought a whole new outfit just for the occasion. I knew which way the conversation would go, but me, being the ever hopefull one, was going to do everything in my power to keep it from going that way.
So now I have this really great hair cut, and awesome new outfit (plus a new jacket that I really needed anyway), my favorite heels, my favorite perfume, make-up... everything is in place. Now mind you, we are going to one of the best italian places in Vegas, Carluccio's. I am dressed to the 8's (the nines would have been a dress and some sparkly jewelry). I am ready to wine and dine. I'm ready to knock his socks off.
He shows up to get me in jeans and a t shirt....
rule number one ladies: when you're going to have a talk with a guy about your relationship and he shows up in jeans and a t shirt, just turn around and go back inside and change...
Now I get that he is a t-shirt and jeans guy, but I warned him that I would be gussied up. I had no problem being dressed up more than him, but I was hoping that he would at least wear a button down... (I have too much hope sometimes).
So we get there and order and I ask him... "Do you want to talk about this now?"
Him: "No let's wait till after dinner"
So we eat and really enjoy oursleves. By the way if you go you have to try the Caramel Apple Martini... its yummy. Conversation is never hard for us. We laugh all the time whenever we are together..
So dinner is good and I pay the bill... I wouldn't let him pay. There is no way I'm letting him pay for what may be the last date we ever go on. We get out to the the Jeep and we start having the convo...
"why do you think we're moving too fast"
"Your great, but..."
I'm starting to choke becuase I can't breathe. The air is too thick in the cab I need fresh air and a cigarette (I left mine at home in the hopes that things would go well and I would a big kiss). SO I ask him if we can drive somewhere where we can sit outside and talk, and if we can stop so I can get smokes. We decide on Sunset Park. We can sit on a bench next to the lake.
Before I light my cigarette I ask if I can get a kiss. He kisses me. He kisses like no other person I know. He emotions are completely wrapped up in his lips. So even with the peck I got I could feel the sadness and the regret. I knew right then and there where the rest of the evening was going.
The conversation itself was short and non-messy. The end result is (drum roll please)
We are just friends. We are not a "couple". We are not going to be intimate anymore. And no more kissing or cuddling.
We continued talking and acting all brave like we're ok with it. But I had to control my tears quite a few times... and at least once for him I saw the shine of unshed tears (or it could again have just been my hope f*cking with me).
I had to stop on the way back to my house to pick up some diapers for my son... and as I'm walking back to the check out line, guess what comes on the radio over head...
Phil Collins "I can't stop loving you"
so I had a little breakdown in the chip isle at Albertson's while holding 2 supper packs of pull-ups. But be proud of me. I pulled it all back together and walked out with at least a little smile. I did not shed a single tear the whole way home in his Jeep. I had him take me to my mom's house becuase I knew I was going to need my sister.
I don't even think he was all the way pulled out of the driveway before I was balling. My sister... god bless her... brought me vodka and tequila. I drank the last of the vodka and a vast majority of the tequila... Then EZ (who had been out of town all day) sends me a text and wants to know if I want to go out.. well hell why not. So we go to a favorite bar of ours and I tell her the whole story (and drink an easy 4 shots of Jack Daniels).
The best song to describe it is by Big and Rich. "Drinkin' 'bout you"
Sorry it has been awhile since my last post. Its been a very busy weekend.
On Friday my sister graduated from school. She is now just waiting to take her final state board test and then she will be fully licensed to practice cosmetology in the state of Nevada. So we have been celebrating that all weekend. Took her dinner and took her shopping. Great fun
Then we get to Saturday. My sister has been begging me tot cut my hair so I let her to do it. after all that night was the BIG night. The BIG talk between me and Bruce*. I wanted to look damn cute, irresistible. She and I went out and I bought a whole new outfit just for the occasion. I knew which way the conversation would go, but me, being the ever hopefull one, was going to do everything in my power to keep it from going that way.
So now I have this really great hair cut, and awesome new outfit (plus a new jacket that I really needed anyway), my favorite heels, my favorite perfume, make-up... everything is in place. Now mind you, we are going to one of the best italian places in Vegas, Carluccio's. I am dressed to the 8's (the nines would have been a dress and some sparkly jewelry). I am ready to wine and dine. I'm ready to knock his socks off.
He shows up to get me in jeans and a t shirt....
rule number one ladies: when you're going to have a talk with a guy about your relationship and he shows up in jeans and a t shirt, just turn around and go back inside and change...
Now I get that he is a t-shirt and jeans guy, but I warned him that I would be gussied up. I had no problem being dressed up more than him, but I was hoping that he would at least wear a button down... (I have too much hope sometimes).
So we get there and order and I ask him... "Do you want to talk about this now?"
Him: "No let's wait till after dinner"
So we eat and really enjoy oursleves. By the way if you go you have to try the Caramel Apple Martini... its yummy. Conversation is never hard for us. We laugh all the time whenever we are together..
So dinner is good and I pay the bill... I wouldn't let him pay. There is no way I'm letting him pay for what may be the last date we ever go on. We get out to the the Jeep and we start having the convo...
"why do you think we're moving too fast"
"Your great, but..."
I'm starting to choke becuase I can't breathe. The air is too thick in the cab I need fresh air and a cigarette (I left mine at home in the hopes that things would go well and I would a big kiss). SO I ask him if we can drive somewhere where we can sit outside and talk, and if we can stop so I can get smokes. We decide on Sunset Park. We can sit on a bench next to the lake.
Before I light my cigarette I ask if I can get a kiss. He kisses me. He kisses like no other person I know. He emotions are completely wrapped up in his lips. So even with the peck I got I could feel the sadness and the regret. I knew right then and there where the rest of the evening was going.
The conversation itself was short and non-messy. The end result is (drum roll please)
We are just friends. We are not a "couple". We are not going to be intimate anymore. And no more kissing or cuddling.
We continued talking and acting all brave like we're ok with it. But I had to control my tears quite a few times... and at least once for him I saw the shine of unshed tears (or it could again have just been my hope f*cking with me).
I had to stop on the way back to my house to pick up some diapers for my son... and as I'm walking back to the check out line, guess what comes on the radio over head...
Phil Collins "I can't stop loving you"
so I had a little breakdown in the chip isle at Albertson's while holding 2 supper packs of pull-ups. But be proud of me. I pulled it all back together and walked out with at least a little smile. I did not shed a single tear the whole way home in his Jeep. I had him take me to my mom's house becuase I knew I was going to need my sister.
I don't even think he was all the way pulled out of the driveway before I was balling. My sister... god bless her... brought me vodka and tequila. I drank the last of the vodka and a vast majority of the tequila... Then EZ (who had been out of town all day) sends me a text and wants to know if I want to go out.. well hell why not. So we go to a favorite bar of ours and I tell her the whole story (and drink an easy 4 shots of Jack Daniels).
The best song to describe it is by Big and Rich. "Drinkin' 'bout you"
Of course the whole time I am out with EZ Bruce and I are texting. And we came to another agreement... we both are going to miss the cuddle time way too much to give it up.. so We will keep cuddling... I just hope we can control ourselves and keep it at that. (probably not but its not like I really care).
Today is tuesday... it has taken me 2 days to write this post becuase I keep having to stop for little breaks and cry. Yesterday I came clean to Bruce and told him things I never should... Like "every moment with you is poetry" and "Being near you makes me happy" He took it all in stride and is still talking to me. I'm not sure what has really changed between us... besides the fact that we say we aren't going to be intimate anymore...
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