Life sucks a dick but we have to keep going

I am about to celebrate an unusual anniversary. Tomorrow will be the one month anniversary of my Van leaving me for the mechanic. Through an absolute comedy of errors, which is not really anyone's fault, My van has been in the shop for a month. This comedy included my rental car being towed by the HOA because it had expired tags (FYI the car parked next to it has tags that expired in January and it is still sitting there). This comedy included the manufacturer of my van forgetting which engine was put in it when they made it (and sending the wrong parts not 1 or 2 or 3 times... yes 4). This comedy included an entire machine shop being closed for three days for covid. This comedy now includes me buying flowers for the mechanic and having them delivered tomorrow. 

Actual message on the card for the flowers. 

On top of all that has been happening I have also had to deal with some physical shit. My body is apparently in complete revolt. Supposedly when you lower your blood sugars then your body is supposed to get better. Instead I now have constant pain in my knee and hip. I sleep like shit. After YEARS of not having a single incident my GERD has gotten so bad that I now have acid burns in my throat. Talking is not fun right now. (please DO NOT offer any advice in your comment. I am not looking for it. I am working with my doctors and hope to resolve everything, your opinion on my situation is not relevant and I will delete your comment). 

Have you ever met someone and wanted desperately to become their friend and then they do become your friend then they up and improve their life and move a whole country away.... *SIGH* You know who you are..... 

I was put on a new diet to try to help get these damned sugars under control. Its working but it SUUUUUUCKS. today I had a craving for Dino Chicken Nuggets and French fries. Neither of which I can have anymore. The craving was so strong that I cried a little. I, a 41 year old woman, cried for chicken nuggies. 

Last night I had an idea that I would revive my gallbladder blog and start reviewing some of the keto recipes and foods that I now eat. That would be fitting since my gallbladder is the reason I am in the fucking situation. 

This post started as a facebook post but I realized it would be toooooo long for that. So here I am acting like some lyrics from that English punk/rock band Chumbawumba. Doing what I do best, getting back up. 

You know which song right?

I'm a fucked up individual

So I have learned over the years to compartmentalize a lot of shit. Generally speaking very little gets me upset any more.

At least that's what I tell everyone and what everyone thinks. And since literally no one reads blogs anymore that's all anyone will think. but the reality is that I learned a long time ago to work out my issues away from the public eye. Why? Because I give a shit what people think about me and I never want to be "oh her? She's nice but a little crazy if you know what I mean". I was that once. It cost me friendships. Friendships I valued. so I locked little crazy me away and I let her out when I'm alone.

I once tried to show her to a life partner I had but he dismissed her and made me feel like shit for needing to lean on someone. so away she went.

and I thought every thing was good. We had an arrangement. I go home alone to my bed where I weep all the anger and frustration and confusion of the day out into my pillows.

But the other day I drank most of a bottle of rum while out with a very good friend of mine. And when I got home at 5 am I proceed to say shitty things to said friend (in front of another very good friend of mine) and then I sent another very good friend of mine a text. The text it self wasn't "terrible" but it was crazy. said friendship is now over. POOF.

No more rum for me.

Time to regroup and figure out jut where the fuck I went wrong. Actually I know what it is, and I'm letting it go. Its going to be hard. But I can do it.

I am one of those creative people who needs to be inspired to create. Most often I am inspired by a muse.

The dictionary defines a muse as "the power regarded as inspiring a poet, artist, thinker, or the like."

Historically in mythology a Muse is one of the 9 daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne who each preside over some form of art: Calliope (epic poetry), Clio (history), Erato (lyric poetry), Euterpe (music), Melpomene (tragedy), Polyhymnia (religious music), Terpsichore (dance), Thalia (comedy), and Urania (astronomy).

Roman statue of Erato, 2nd century AD.
The muse is depicted playing
the kithara or lyre.

Erato and I are very good friends.

I know a lot of artists. We tend to be drawn to each other, we find solace in the misery of our fellow artists. Its cliche, the tortured artist, but its a cliche for a reason. Art is a very emotional thing. I have found that the stronger the emotion the stronger the art.

That being said, there is a very fine line between being inspired by emotion and being stymied by it. Look at the dates on my poetry blog archives. Between 2013 and 2017 nothing was posted. I was in a very deep dark depression and trying hard to keep my head above water. I produced NOTHING. I was working hard on finding myself again after having lost my sense of identity. 2017 was transformative. I spent the entire year in a very frustrated place. I hated where I was.

I was determined to get back to being creative because I remember being happy when being creative. So I vowed to do a little something every day in 2018. I started bullet journaling and doing a different creative challenge every day. In January it was a photo a day. In February it was InCoWriMo (Correspondence writing). March has been a list prompt every day.

Each of those worked to help stir my pot of creative juices, but it took a catalyst to make the pot boil over. My catalyst was a muse in the shape of a person. Another artist. Another tortured soul looking for some relief from the pressure that unfulfilled art builds up inside of you. I've known him for about 3 years now but we just recently connected on a more personal level.

Hearing his story and bouncing ideas around together was the very thing I needed to get back on the bandwagon. My muse doesn't directly inspire everything I do (though certainly you can find a piece of him in everything). For me its more like his presence inspires me to want to write more. I write for me (and honestly for him too because he is super talented and I look up to him as an artist and I want to impress him). I am sure there are some budding astrophysicists out there publishing papers in the hopes that Neil Degrasse Tyson reads it and makes a comment on it. He's my NDT.

In essence my muse gives me the gentle nudge I need to get my work out. Sometimes its a thing he says, sometimes its a thing he does. SOMETIMES I don't even realize he inspired it until I have it written down and I'm all like... "oh yeah.. he's all over this". Sometimes its not even about him at all.

I don't know how other people get their ideas for their art. Mine all come from my life. I have millions of ideas but they never make it to paper. With a little help from my muse some of it makes out into the world.

all works posted here are copyrighted

References: http://www.dictionary.com/browse/muse; https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erato;

How to NOT be a Stupid-Ratchet-Crazy-Basic Bitch

Holy shit... its been a year since I posted anything. I was inspired by a friend to write an article. so here it is:

In this course, I will teach you how to release your inner crazy and become the cool laid back person that most other people want to date. I am going to be as gender neutral as possible because I have met just as many male Stupid-Ratchet-Crazy-Basic Bitches as I have female. We will address each issue in order.

STUPID

I normally dislike the word “stupid” quite a bit. I think it is more derogatory than the word “cunt”. Trust me, you would rather have me call you a cunt than call you stupid. This first obstacle is the easiest to overcome. The next time someone says something that you disagree with you should not immediately start an argument. Instead find out why that person believes that way. Lets role play a bit.

Me: I really like Star Trek
You: Star Trek is for nerds!!!

This is wrong. Instead you should find out why I like it. Perhaps you have missed something in your interpretation of my belief.

Me: I really like Star Trek.
You: Really? I could never get into it. Why do you like it so much?
Me: I love the ideals that it sets forth for humanity….. [insert long conversation about the lessons of Gene Roddenberry]

Now you have gained some insight in to the personality of the person you are talking to. You can literally apply this to any topic of conversation. Politics, Religion, TV shows, Gun rights…. Any of them.

Stupid people would rather wallow in their ignorance of another person’s point of view. I am not saying that you must agree, only that you should educate yourself.

RATCHET

Just because a person wants to have sex with you DOES NOT mean they want to have a relationship with you. Sex and Emotions are very very very rarely tied together. SEX is the result of a physical attraction. That physical attraction can lead to an emotional relationship but not always; and not even often. A lasting relationship is built on the emotional attraction you have for another person. You should NEVER enter into a relationship simply because the other person is hot and is a good fuck. You can find a million hot good fucks anywhere you go, but that one person who makes your soul sing… that is an entirely different ball game.

NOW hold your horses.. I know that you can develop a nice physical relationship with a person that is strictly sex and platonic enjoyment of one another. Those are easy peasy and are a good way to keep the edge off of your sexual tension while you are on those 50 first dates trying to find the one frog who turns into a prince(ss). These are pretty good relationships. I like them. There is no pressure to be the perfect mate, just an accommodating lay. NOTE: this should be an even 50/50 relationship. You go to their place, they come to yours; you buy dinner one time, they buy it the next. If one of you is putting out more than the other this relationship is bound to end bitterly.

It is OK to be in a strictly physical relationship that has no emotional ties. It is ok to be in an emotional relationship with no physical ties. In both instances, you must be open and honest with each other about the kind of relationship you have and want. If at any point either of you is not satisfied then you need to end the relationship. Do not try to CHANGE it. If it is meant to evolve, it will. If it isn’t, it won’t! Nothing you can do will change that. NOTHING.

If you go on a first date with a person, and then have sex with them, NEITHER of you is obligated to a second date, or getting married. HOLY HAY-SEUSS it just a date… and its just sex. You are not even obligated to be exclusive or monogamous! You are obligated to say, “Thank you, I had a good time”. Even if the sex was bad, be courteous.

Along this same note. If you do not want a second date or a second sexual interaction then say so. Maybe not right then, wait a day. Give them a call or a text (the only time a text is allowable) and say something like “I had a great time, but I just don’t think a second time is going to happen. Good luck in your search!”. If you get one of these calls or texts you need to respond like a sane and rational human being… which leads us to….

CRAZY

No one, NO ONE, wants to deal with a psycho. And if they do then they are a crazy fuck as well and you should stay away. If you get the gentle brush off (or even a not gentle one), you are allowed to be sad/mad/confused. But those emotions are yours and are NOT the fault of the other person. The other person has been kind enough to let you know not to put your hopes into them. SAY THANK YOU. That’s it. Say thank you and move on. You can totes tell your friends what a douche that person was, but leave them alone. They don’t want anything to do with you and you should respect that, because one day you are going to be in a reverse situation and you will want the other person to respect your wishes. Pay it forward people….

BASIC BITCH

Urban Dictionary defines a Basic Bitch as “Someone who is unflinchingly upholding of the status quo and stereotypes of their gender without even realizing it.” DO NOT DO THIS. Instead be you, the weird you that you never show anyone. The you that binge watches Start Trek and reads Phillip Pullman. The you that sings in the car and dances when no one is watching. Be that person all the time. If you do that then I can guarantee that you will attract someone who likes to do all those same things and you can then do them together. Maybe you will get lucky and they will want to do naked things with you as well.

In conclusion it is possible to have a satisfying physical and emotional relationship with another person and be happy. You just have to be willing to drop the societal norm of being a Stupid-Ratchet-Crazy-Basic Bitch. 

Honest Review: Maxine® Women's Slim Latex Waist Cincher (5X)

Product: Maxine® Women's Slim Latex Waist Cincher

Disclaimer: I received this product at a discounted price in exchange for my HONEST review

Promise: This review is 100% my honest opinion. If I don't like it I'll tell you!

Here is the review I posted to Amazon:
3 star review

*sigh* I wish there had been just ONE size larger... I started out with a szie 3 but had to send that back as it was waaay to small.. so I ordered the largest size they have. I figured it would have been fine considering its 3 sizes larger than I would usually order. well... it fit. barely. I could never put myself into this I had to have my boyfriend put all the hooks on.

the good part though is that I am losing weight and a few months ago I wouldn't have even fit into this. I expect that in a few more months I'll be able to put it on myself. I must say that I do really really love the shape it gives. Especially under my fave dress. My suggestion is that you measure yourself carefully and order up two sizes. It goes have a strong rubber smell right out of the package. Since its the same stuff as diving wet suits you need to go to a dive shop and buy the specialty wet suit shampoo if you want to wash it and not ruin the material.

Pics are of me in the same dress with and without the waist cincher on.

The parts I didn't say:
HOLY BALLS IT MAKES ME TITS LOOK HUGE. I mean I already have big tatas but hot damn. I am looking forward to being able to wear this more often. ONe of the only downsides is that it rolls up on the bottom... and that is absolutely because of my big mummy tummy. If it was about one inch shorter it wouldn't be a big deal...

Cincher activated... tits are huge...

underneath it all

Cincher deactivated boobs are still big