So I have learned over the years to compartmentalize a lot of shit. Generally speaking very little gets me upset any more.
At least that's what I tell everyone and what everyone thinks. And since literally no one reads blogs anymore that's all anyone will think. but the reality is that I learned a long time ago to work out my issues away from the public eye. Why? Because I give a shit what people think about me and I never want to be "oh her? She's nice but a little crazy if you know what I mean". I was that once. It cost me friendships. Friendships I valued. so I locked little crazy me away and I let her out when I'm alone.
I once tried to show her to a life partner I had but he dismissed her and made me feel like shit for needing to lean on someone. so away she went.
and I thought every thing was good. We had an arrangement. I go home alone to my bed where I weep all the anger and frustration and confusion of the day out into my pillows.
But the other day I drank most of a bottle of rum while out with a very good friend of mine. And when I got home at 5 am I proceed to say shitty things to said friend (in front of another very good friend of mine) and then I sent another very good friend of mine a text. The text it self wasn't "terrible" but it was crazy. said friendship is now over. POOF.
No more rum for me.
Time to regroup and figure out jut where the fuck I went wrong. Actually I know what it is, and I'm letting it go. Its going to be hard. But I can do it.
